How To Get What You Really Want

Start with a decision

If you want to get what you really want, start by making a decision about the kind of person you want to be.

Choose your reputation. Choose your standard. Choose a number.

1. Choose your reputation

Every one of us has a reputation. The question is: Do you have a reputation by accident or by being intentional?

If you want people to say you are kind, start being kind. If you want to be known as encouraging, encourage somebody. If you want a reputation for generosity, practice generosity.

You want it to be a true story.

Not having a lot, but having everything

Paul tells the Corinthians about the churches in Macedonia. They were facing many troubles and deep poverty, yet they had abundant joy that overflowed in generosity.

They gave what they could afford and even more, freely rather than under pressure. Generosity had become their reputation.

What kind of house do you want?

You can build a home by accident or with intention.

Providing for your family is not only financial. It is spiritual, emotional, and mental. Give your children tools to enter a hurting world, recognize needs, add value, and help solve problems.

Make a decision about the reputation you want your house to have.

A quarter in my hand

Growing up in church, Ryan sat beside his mother through multiple offerings. They did not have much money, but she would put a quarter in his hand and say, “Ryan, you never let the plate go by without giving something.”

“In our house, we're givers. It's not that we're rich. It's that we're givers.”

How would people describe your house?

A prosperous soul

Generosity is not only about money. Be generous with your words and with your soul.

A prosperous soul brings goodness into every room. That is the kind of child we want to raise and the kind of person we want in our workplace.

It begins by deciding that this is the direction we want to go.

Praying over a child's future

Ryan's father prayed over him using Prayers That Avail Much. Years later, Ryan found the prayer his father had prayed:

Father, your word declares that children are an inheritance from you and promises peace when they are taught in your ways. I dedicate Ryan to you today that he may be raised as you would desire and will follow the path you would choose.

Father, I confess your word this day over Ryan. I thank you that your word goes out and it will not return unto you void, but will accomplish what it says it will do.

Raise givers, not takers

Ryan's father did not live long enough to see what Ryan gets to do now, but he prayed over it then.

Speak kindness, encouragement, and faith over the next generation. Put a quarter in their hands.

Be careful that, in giving children what you never had, they do not lose what you did have. Teach them to notice a teacher or classmate who needs supplies and ask how your family can help.

Do not just be a giver. Raise givers.

2. Choose your standard

We all have different standards for money: what feels expensive, what feels reasonable, and how we use what we have.

Ryan's invitation is not to adopt his standard, but to consider Jesus' standard for giving, even when it is uncomfortable.

The golden rule sounds fair. The verse immediately before it is harder to sit with.

The standard that challenges us

Giving to everyone who asks is difficult. Ryan admits he looked for a way around it, but the surrounding teaching is just as challenging: love enemies, do good to people who hate you, bless those who curse you, and pray for those who mistreat you.

Do not become someone you do not like

Ryan explains turning the other cheek through the difference between a backhanded slap that looks down on someone and an open-handed slap that treats them as an equal.

In the process of dealing with somebody you do not like, do not become somebody you do not like.

Following Jesus includes things that seem unreasonable: forgiving someone who hurt you, loving an enemy, and giving more when something has been taken. Yet a perfect man dying for imperfect people is already extraordinary.

When the text interrupts your schedule

After reading Jesus' teaching about giving, Ryan saw a hungry man beside the road. He bought him Popeyes, then Burger King the next day, and found himself looking for ways around the inconvenience.

Eventually, he put cereal bars in his car so he would have something ready to give.

It was further than nothing, which was what he had been doing before. Scripture had begun to affect his schedule.

Be kingdom ready

Ryan's wife suggested keeping a few $10 gift cards for places such as Walmart or Subway in their cars.

They call it being kingdom ready: ready to be a blessing when someone has a need.

Decide now rather than reconsidering every time. Their children became part of it, passing out gift cards and reminding their parents to stop and help.

Seeing with a generous eye

Ryan describes a bad eye as a greedy way of seeing the world, believing others owe you something. A good eye sees through generosity: “I'm blessed to be a blessing.”

After basketball tryouts, his son noticed a boy without basketball shoes and asked, “We can help him, right?”

Ryan could work on the practical thinking. He loved where his son's heart was.

Walk in looking for someone to bless

On a soccer field, a football field, or wherever you go, do not think only about your day and how hard your week has been.

Notice who might need encouragement. Speak life over somebody. Support a coach, run the scores table, or get water for someone.

These are expressions of a decision about the kind of person you want to be.

3. Choose a number

Most people have a number they would like to earn. Choose another number: what you want to give in a year.

That number is between you and God. Decide what is in your heart, then ask God for the resources to make it possible.

A number starts with a decision, not a deposit.

Decide what you want to give

You might want to help your church, a building campaign, a mother, or a family. Write down the number. Put it somewhere you will see it and pray over it.

Put God first rather than leaving giving until the end of the year.

This is not about pressure or reluctance. It is a number you want to give cheerfully.

Budget generosity

People who give extravagantly plan for it. Generosity is part of their monthly budget.

Stores, restaurants, and subscription services already have a plan for your money. Do you have a plan? Do you have a God-honoring plan?

Ryan recommends a 10/10/80 budget:

• 10% for giving.
• 10% for saving.
• Live on 80%.

Giving nothing, saving nothing, and spending more than you earn will not get you what you really want.

Give for shared impact

Ryan acknowledges that some people have been hurt by churches over money. He still encourages giving to the church that prays for and serves people and their families.

The purpose is not for someone on a platform to have more things. It is for the church to have more impact together.

Plan to be ready when your church or someone in your community has a need.

Enough to accomplish your will

Agur's prayer asks to be kept from falsehood and from both poverty and riches.

One danger is having so little that you believe you must take to survive. The other is having so much that you think you no longer need God.

This led Ryan and his wife to a prayer they have prayed for years:

Lord, would you give us enough to accomplish your will for our lives?

The amount may look different for each person. The prayer is for enough resources to do what God has designed for your life.

A different measure of success

Choose a stretch number and ask God to help you work toward it. Imagine that number growing each year.

Making six figures is one thing. Giving six figures reflects a different way of thinking.

Generosity can also mean taking $5 from your $50 to buy someone lunch or making a sacrifice so a child can stay on a team. It is a decision to invest in people.

Be generous with your words

Ryan closes with affirmations from Prayers That Avail Much. Some people have never heard words like these spoken over them, which can make it difficult to speak them over their children.

Let these words reach your ears and your heart so you can pour them into the people in your life.

This is another way to give to the next generation.

Words that encourage effort

• Great job. Well done. I'm very proud of you.
• Good for you. Neat. Outstanding.
• That was a smart decision. You are smart.
• I knew you could do it. I believe in you.
• I know you were trying. Super duper.
• Way to go. What an imagination.
• You are growing up. Good memory. Amazing.
• Nice work. What a wise choice.
• Outstanding performance. You are a winner.
• Remarkable. Nothing can stop you.
• You've got it. Excellent. You are catching on.
• Great. Wonderful. Good. Terrific. Beautiful.
• Now you are cooking. You are fantastic.
• Beautiful work. You are spectacular.
• You are a real trooper. Great discovery.
• You try so hard. Good try. Good effort.
• Magnificent. Super work. Phenomenal.
• Marvelous. Dynamite. Hooray for you.

Words that affirm value

• God loves you. I love you.
• You are a good boy. You are a good girl.
• You are a blessing to me. You are special to me.
• You are valuable.
• You are a gem, a precious jewel.
• You are more precious than gold.
• You are incredible. You are important.
• You are unique.
• You mean so much to me.
• You make me laugh. You brighten my day.
• You are beautiful. You are handsome.
• You are a beautiful creation. You are loved.
• You are a child of my love.
• You are a ray of sunshine.

Words that affirm belonging and character

• You are a good friend.
• You are a loving son. You are a loving daughter.
• You light up my life. You belong.
• You are an important part of our family.
• We are family. You mean the world to me.
• That's right. You are correct.
• You are a success. Hooray. Wow.
• You are growing in wisdom every day.
• You are an overcomer. You are victorious.
• You are patient. You have a good attitude.
• You are a doer. You know how to get the job done.
• You are a chosen one.
• You give good hugs.
• Thank you for being a part of my life.

Imagine who you would become if somebody talked to you like that all the time. Imagine who your children could become if you began speaking to them that way.

“Your dad did.”

Reflecting on opportunities to speak in churches, businesses, and professional sports, Ryan told a friend, “I didn't even pray for all of this.”

His friend replied, “Your dad did.”

Five, ten, fifteen, or twenty years from now, who might be standing in a blessing they did not pray for because you gave today through your words, your prayers, or a quarter in their hand?

Make a difference by deciding to give

Ryan describes himself as a product of generosity, standing on the shoulders of parents who put a quarter in his hand.

“I didn't come up here because I needed something from you. I came up here because I want something for you and your family.”

What he wants is for people to get what they really want: to make a difference.

That begins with a decision to be a giver.

Closing prayer

Lord, help us choose our reputation. Help us know that we have a choice.

Help us choose your standard, even when it inconveniences us or throws off our schedule. Let our homes, businesses, and work carry a standard of generosity.

As we prayerfully consider a number, may we measure success not by how much we make, but by what we give.

Would you trust us? Would you resource us? Would you give us enough to accomplish your will for our lives?

In Jesus' name, amen.